Life after Marriage

March 8th 2008, a day which Anay won’t forget… or it won’t let Anay forget what his life has become. It was on this day Anay married Kavana.
Almost a week after the marriage, only today Anay was alone with Kavana at his home. Anay’s parents had left for yet another one day temple visit for which the newly wed couple didn’t go. Anay wanted to discuss so many things about life with Kavana.
Voice inside Anay’s mind (Voice 1): “This is my night alone with her… a good chance to talk about life and get to know her more…! Day after parents will be back and I won’t get a chance to talk freely like this.”
Anay tries to start conversation with but some how he couldn’t find the right topic to start the conversation.
Voice inside Anay’s mind (Voice 1): “Why am I feeling nervous about…! I am married for almost a week now and now I am feeling nervous to be around her! I even went out with her after our engagement!”
Another voice inside Anay(Voice 2): “Mr. Anay, if you must know this is the first time you are ALONE with a girl at NIGHT at your home, so being a little nervous is not a bad sign you see!”
Voice 1: “Relax dude… she is your wife, you are her husband, you can talk anything with her!!”
Voice 2: “Yeah right… you can talk anything and bore her to death… remember this is not a DATE where the girl goes to her place after dinner, this girl is here to stay with you… FOREVER! so don’t talk like
brainless!!”
Voice 1: “may be you should talk to her about how you both can to do the financial planning… you know buying house or gold or doing savings for future together… since you already have this in your agenda on things to discuss with her…”
Voice 2: “Haa haa… are you even serious?? has it even slightly crossed your mind that on the first night alone, she will be expecting something more romantic rather than this finance talks…! Dude seriously talk romantic stuff!”
Voice 1: “If you act more matured and responsible now, she will feel secured with you and ultimately will share her thoughts to you… that is the way to go, you did all your romance while you were engaged.. went to movies… to dinner… to beach.. all the while I told you to talk these responsible stuff… but you kept acting like you were one of these cool DUDES flirting with her! Now you are married and this time she can’t reject also, talk the responsibility stuff…!”
Voice 2: “Alright…! What will she think about you if you suddenly talk about responsibilities !! she will think the Anay before marriage was a fake!”
Before Anay could make up his mind, kavana spoke to him: “Anay… I am feeling sleepy, shall we go to bed?”
Anay: “Yeah! I’ll join you in ten minutes.”
When Kavana left to bed, anay started gathering his thoughts on what topics to talk to her.
Anay to himself: “Okay I have spent the engagement time very romantically indeed.. dinners.. beach .. movies.. acted ‘cool’.. flirted enough…  if  I hadn’t done it, then my bachelorhood would never have been complete! so that’s settled… We did get to know each other when we were engaged… but as friends… we understood each other likings and dislikes, settled on many silly pet names… but in the end she went to her place and I came back to mine that was a big difference, both of us never understood how we should react to the new environment we were going face… my parents… her parents… these people are integral part of our lives too!”
“May be I should just casually start with my office joining date and talk to her about her office joining date… then move on to office timings… first start with weekends… tell her that we will have great fun weekends… she already knows parents will be going back to hometown in two weeks time and after that she will have to take up more responsibility on handling home stuffs and say ‘of course I’ll help you in everything!’ and she will have to prepare his lunch and dinner  everyday…”
Voice 2: “How do you feel when you are back from office?”
Voice 1: “I work for more than 9 hrs a day… obviously I’ll be tired!”
Voice 2: “You are planning to make her work at home as well as in office… won’t she be tired ??”
Voice 1: “Ohh…..! Okay weekdays I’ll manage in the canteen… she can cook in weekends!”
Voice 2: “Never in your life have you woken up before 10 AM, then why should she wake up, she works the same time as you do!”
Voice 1: “Oh come on she can do it…!”
Voice 2: “you want to maintain your independency even after marriage, then why should she give up hers?”
Voice 1: “How will you know this before you even talk to her…! She loves you a lot she might do this for you!! go and talk this now… at least start the topic…!”
With so much prepared in his mind Anay entered to bed room only to find Kavana deep in sleep and he took only five minutes to get to bed after she went! Anay lied down next to her…
Voice 1: “People should sue the movie directors who show wife bringing coffee to husband in the morning just after bath, neatly dressed and with wet hair… they are imprinting false ideas into people’s mind!!!”
Voice 2: “Don’t get so worked up… being married is not actually like you think… it doesn’t make you ‘complete’… it doesn’t end your need to connect or belong or never be lonely… just a week after marriage your everyday problem has clouded your romantic feeling for her… understand that no couple complete each other they only complement each other… every marriage goes through peaks and valleys, your relationship will be tested then, this is when decision making to love is important… last but not the least even after marriage you need to have the ‘lonely’ time… It is an opportunity to listen to yourself and discover your likes and dislikes. Quiet time alone will help you appreciate any harsh criticisms that arises from within you, remember self-acceptance is an important component of self-confidence!”
Anay didn’t know when he fell asleep but he woke up earlier than usual, the clock showed 7:00 AM. Kavana was still sleeping, her pointed finger nails still had mehandi in them, her light brown eyes were still closed, her plump lips had a strange curl to them, her soft deep breathing making the world seem to stand still. Anay realized how much he loved her, he got up without waking her up.  On a Saturday morning he went into kitchen and prepared two cups of coffee.
He woke her up and handed her a cup of coffee: “Good morning!”
Kavana: “Up so early? and coffee too?? that’s so sweeeeeeeeeet!”
Anay: “Get up… I have big plans for the day!”
Anay took her out for lunch and movie, he did flirt but he also put across his ‘views’ to her. They had a good evening and were on bed to sleep.
Anay to himself: “I did try and do things in a better way than imagined… lets see what happens from here on…!”
Voice 1: “If she understood you, she will be awake before you and give you a cup of coffee when you are awake meaning she is ready to take up responsibility… or else your life is going to be a total screw up!”
Voice 2: “oh come on… we talked so much on this… give her time to adjust and understand!!!”
Anay tried to sleep putting the voices behind, he wanted to catch up on the sleep he missed today morning. Next day, he woke up at 10 AM and he noticed that his parents had returned from the trip. He sat on the sofa half asleep, a cup of coffee was handed over to him……. by his mother!
Voice 1: “Ah… at least your life isn’t going to be totally screwed thanks to your mother!!”
Anay knew he should give Kavana more time to adjust, but his mind was trying to fight off this idea, he had an abdominal lull and even his mom’s coffee was tasting bad…!
All this might have reflected in his face, he heard his mom say, “Coffee was prepared by Kavana, not by me!”
Anay didn’t reply back to his mother instead he took another sip of coffee and it tasted much better!


March 3rd, 2012,
Four years after his marriage, Anay is father to a beautiful girl. It was a Saturday morning, he woke up and went to kitchen to prepare two cups of coffee.
Voice 1: “You should have never prepared the coffee fours years back… you are still making the coffee!!”
Anay ignored the voice and woke up Kavana and gave her a cup of coffee.
Anay: “Good morning!”
Kavana: “Good morning!”
They both were seated next to each other on the couch with their feet up.
Kavana: “You know I never thought you will make me a coffee a week after our marriage and I really love your Saturday morning coffee’s!”
Anay smiled at her said : “You do it every other day which makes it even more special!”
Anay took another sip of coffee and it still tasted good…!

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The Decision

Iksha, pale skin with jet black hair, dark chocolaty eyes, thin nose and pointed chin, was walking aimlessly wondering how much her life had changed. Her thoughts consumed her, thoughts about the decision she had to make in life. A Decision which would break hearts, hearts of people she loved and cared. She had always tried to avoid this one decision, but it had become inevitable. Her mind was throwing flashbacks at her, life was so simple before.

She was so nervous about her new school, her father a big industrialist had sent her to a top rated school; she couldn’t sell “will miss her friends” as a reason to her father because he knew she didn’t have any in her old school. Teacher introduced her to the class and pointed her to a seat; she took her seat and fixed her eyes on the board. She waited for the lunch bell to ring, it felt like she waited years together for it to ring; she decided to eat at her table itself, that is when she met him first, tall and russet skin, black hair and dark eyes. He had a beaming red smile like a shooting star on the night sky: “Hi, I am Jyran… would you like to join?” there was no uneasiness or nervousness in Iksha when Jyran asked her, for the first time on the entire day she felt she felt better and she joined him.

Iksha: “hi I am Iksha! I am new to this school”

Jyran: “Nice to meet you, where are you from?”

“I live here but I was in residential school but dad wanted me to be in the ‘top’ school!” Iksha said rolling her eyes. Jyran laughed: “I know! My dad did the same to be 4 years back!”

Iksha smiled: “what is your dad?” the question seemed to have made Jyran uneasy. His wide happy smile disappeared hearing that. “He is in Politics, leader of the opposition party” in a very low voice, his dark eyes fixed on Iksha as if waiting for a reply. Iksha couldn’t understand why the answer made him so uneasy; she kept looking at him hoping for an answer. At last Jyran spoke: “listen it is alright if you don’t want to have lunch with me, I understand.” He gave her a weak smile. Iksha: “what? What do you mean?” Jyran: “generally girls don’t hang out with me because my dad is a politician, they think I am ‘evil’ and might create ‘trouble’!” his voice sounded as if he was controlling his anger. Iksha: “that’s lame! I don’t mind who your dad is! Can I have lunch with you?” his pink lips spread like the sun on the horizon, her gaze went straight to his lips and it melted her as bright emotions came right of his face. The beginning of a friendship, Iksha found a true and strong friend in Jyran; They started spending lots of time together in school as well as at home. She missed him badly when she was alone. It was same with Jyran, he missed her too. Jyran was first person Iksha would think of if something bad happens or if something great happens or if she just wanted to talk. A beautiful friendship had blossomed between them.

Time flew by, it was time for them to join college, and both of them had applied for same colleges, hoping they would get in to same college, they were waiting anxiously now. But life had different plans for them, Iksha received acceptance in a college 70 miles away home while Jyran received acceptance from a college close by. They were shattered, they decided against going to college but their parents intervened and convinced them to go to college as they can meet at weekends. Reluctantly they agreed, life started becoming very busy for Iksha, while Jyran was patient for weekends. They would meet at weekends and chatter away all the stories of the week happily.

Only two weeks into college life Iksha was finding it difficult, again she had no friend, but Jyran had few of his friends with him in the same college. She would eagerly wait for the weekend to come. Iksha was trying to concentrate what the professor saw showing them in lab but somehow she couldn’t keep her eyelids open. Her pen slipped out of her hand; She was about to collect it when a boy standing next to her collected it for her. He was 6’2”, had perfect and angular—high cheekbones, strong jaw line, a straight nose, and full lips. His hair was messy; he had slender but muscular body. Iksha couldn’t look away from his eyes; the eyes that you can look into and feel like you are getting lost, eyes you can relate to that are truly windows to the soul. The boy cleared his throat; she thanked him with a sheepish smile and took the pen. After the lab, he came up to her and held out his hand: “Inesh” His voice was so warm and comforting even the ice berg in Antarctica would melt. Again Inesh cleared his throat, Iksha’s cheeks turned bright pink, and she shook his hand and said “Iksha”. Inesh spoke in musical warm voice: “I believe we are in same class, in fact your number is right after mine”. Iksha was so mesmerized in his voice she forgot that she had to respond. Inesh cleared his throat again; Iksha snapped out of the serenity and blurted out “that’s great!” as soon as the word left her lips, she felt stupid that she couldn’t come up with a better reply. Inesh smiled, the corner of his lips hooked into her heart “would you join me for lunch?” she could only nod in agreement.

Inesh: “where are you from?”

Iksha: “70 miles north from college”

Inesh couldn’t stop the smile: “I am from the same place; I studied in the residential school”

Iksha mouth dropped open out of disbelief that was her old school, her father moved her into new school. If she had not been moved they could have met before. It sounded silly to her, why was she so excited about him, this was the first time they are meeting and she was acting like mindless!

Iksha: “I studied in same school until my father moved me to another school!”

Inesh with a surprise tone: “Is it? That’s nice, what is your father?”

Iksha with little frustration in her voice: “He is an industrialist; he wanted me to study in a top school so he moved me out of that school”

Inesh chuckled: “You didn’t like it, did you?”

Iksha: “Not at the beginning but I was fine later” she wanted to tell him about Jyran but she resisted herself. “What is your father?”

The question made his eyes melancholy, it was like she knew this situation before, the change in reaction but she waited for an answer. Inesh: “He is in Politics, leader of the ruling party”

She felt like she had walked into a wall. Inesh noticed the change in Iksha’s face, he took a deep breath “I get this reaction a lot, I understand if you are not…!” before Inesh could finish the sentence Iksha replied with a smile: “I don’t mind who your father is!”

Iksha knew something was special about the relationship with Inesh, it was like the taste of water, you cannot describe it yet it is the elixir of life. Life in college improved a lot; Iksha was falling in love with Inesh. In college Iksha spent most of the time with Inesh and in weekend she would spend time with Jyran. She told Inesh about her good friend Jyran and Jyran about her love Inesh, they were happy for her. On a beautiful valentine day, Inesh proposed to Iksha with a smile like bright summer, Iksha was breathless, speechless, heart pounding and shaky hands, she wanted to say yes but she couldn’t find her voice, her eyes filled up, all she could do was say an yes with her eyelashes. Iksha felt she was the luckiest person in the world to have Inesh. She considered she was tremendously lucky with a friend like Jyran. Inesh and Iksha’s parents agreed and announced the engagement, she loved her life. She had the life every girl dreamed about.

In final year of the college, things changed dramatically. The elections were around the corner; this seems to have great impact on Iksha’s life. Jyran’s father and Inesh’s father were competing for the same position. Iksha was with Inesh, his eyes were very dull today, he didn’t have the same charm: “Iksha, I have a request…” the sound of his voice made her shiver, she nodded, “elections are coming up, you might be knowing who dad is competing against, the problem is… dad… dad doesn’t like his future daughter in law to be friends with opposition party, especially Jyran”

Iksha felt the ground beneath her shake, it was an intolerable request: “But how is going to affect his election?”

Inesh: “They might try to get information from you or try to make you get information, emotional black mail! You will be in danger”

Iksha trying to control her anger: “but I don’t know anything and no one is going to kidnap me for information, please!”

Inesh: “Iksha you don’t understand…”

Iksha shouted “I don’t want to!” and stormed out. After reaching home she called Jyran and wanted to meet with him. She met him, Jyran was calm and composed, and he had the “happy” smile on his face when he met her.  Iksha narrated her incident with Inesh to Jyran, to her surprise Jyran was calm as always, she was expecting him to explode with anger. She tried to read his expression but his eyes were lost, she was waiting for an answer from him, but he remained silent.

Jyran: “Iksha… Inesh is right, you have to choose…! I am sorry!”

Iksha whimpered “No… Please”

Jyran angry and frustrated “You don’t understand, you could be in danger, these guys would do anything to win. I don’t want you to be in danger; please it would hurt me even more if I knew I put you in that situation!” 

Iksha didn’t speak, she couldn’t control the sobs, she mumbled “I’ll go away for few months and come back after elections!”

Jyran clenching his teeth’s: “No… results can go either way, even after the results if you meet me or meet him, they would consider it as treachery or cook up stories! Understand Iksha…!”

Neither of them spoke for a long while. At last Jyran in soothing and calm voice spoke: “Iksha I can understand if you choose him, you are engaged to him. I am happy for you, I am sure you will be happy!” again there was a long silence between them, Jyran tired to make it less painful as possible “Good bye Iksha…!” he turned and started walking away from her. She was there alone, not sure of what she had to do or where she had to go. Slowly, Iksha started walking to her home, but she had lost the track of her path and surroundings. She kept walking aimlessly and consumed by her thoughts. She loved them both, Jyran was her very close friend, only one she had, she spent infinite amount of time with him. To faze him out of life was impossible. Inesh was her love; she knew life would be impossible without him. Why couldn’t they co-exist? Why is life playing tricks with her?

It was a crippling feeling, that a huge hole had been punched through her chest; it bleeds despite the passage of time and the pain never stopped. She knew her lungs must still be intact, yet she gasped for air. She stopped abruptly, the road before her diverged into two, she cannot walk in the middle and she had to choose a road. The decision was her to make, which road would she choose…?

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