Nadira, final year M.Sc., Psychology student, was looking at her evening coffee with great concentration and was trying to figure out a conclusion of her project. Three months of rigorous study and follow-up and yet she couldn’t decide on the conclusion. She was one of the bright students of the batch and thus the topic given to her by her guide was “Who is the crucial decision maker in a relationship(Love)?”. She took a full day to analyze the topic, because of the depth in it, relationship itself was intertwined subject and she has to decide on who is the crucial decision maker on that. She decided to study three different relationship cases and try to analyze the role of male and female in it. It was difficult to talk to people about their relationship considering if they haven’t succeed in it, but she did get few of them to talk. Of all the three cases, third one was the easiest because she had taken the case of her parents, a love marriage. And tomorrow she had to submit her project, she decided to walk through all the three cases once again.
Case 1:
This case is was in beginning stage of a relationship and most common, the guy loved the girl sincerely but the girl was not ready for the relationship even though she “liked” the guy and wants to be as friends. she didn’t want to go against her family and society. she had clearly put this across the guy but even then he is madly in love and wants a life with her.
Nadira, thought, of course it is the girl’s decision what she wants in life, no one can blame her for this. But being friends is not going to help the guy though! May be he is getting deeply involved cause she wants to be “friends”. And the guy is insane, the girl has said what is priority for her and he must have figured out a way to get over but not fall more deeply in it, I guess this why they call love is blind!
Case 2:
The guy and the girl were in relationship for few years, but they decided to part ways. The reason is that the chemistry between them fell apart, the spark they had in the beginning of their relationship didn’t continue. the girl said: “I loved the way he loved me, but I realized that I was wrong, I should be in a relationship with a person who I love unconditionally not for what the way he loves me.” the boy said: “one day she was talking about marriage, I felt I was not ready for it yet, I love her with all my heart but I am not ready for marriage,I have to achieve so many things in my career and she cannot wait that long I guess.”
Sipping her coffee, Nadira thought, this was a difficult case, an aspiring guy and a love seeking girl, neither to be blamed on what they have decided cause reasons are valid. The guy could have put on more thought about his career growth, after marriage or delayed the marriage few more years, after all it is not always you love someone so deeply. The girl’s statement was interesting one, she loved him for the way he loved her but when she realized that it was not what is ultimately needed in life she decided to not to proceed things, the decision and the reason is much better than the guy and very mature.
Case 3:
The guy sees the girl in college library for three weeks continuously and proposes her, the fourth week girl accepts his love. Guy promises to marry her, finishes college goes out of town to find job, he gets a job comes back to town and convinces his parents for marriage. The girl meanwhile talks to her parents, convinces her parents and relatives for the marriage. They are married and live happily with a girl child.
Nadira smiled to herself and thought, this was the script for so many films and yet it repeats itself. When she spoke to the guy,her father, “what made you propose her the third week? you don’t even properly know her!” her father smiled: “I had a feeling, I chose her to be my partner in life. When I made the decision I know it could go either way but I loved her without expectation. you know those three weeks it was like three years to be each day I saw her made me realize a new thing, I admired her, studied her, and was inspired from her. as paulo coelho said ’In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.’ I spoke to the girl as well, her mother, “when he proposed me I took my time, I did notice him in the library and I did like him. but being in a relationship was different I had to think about so many hurdles I had to face, family, society and relatives. what made me agree is the fact that we both loved each other for what we are, remember anyone can be loved if one changes one’s looks, personality and values and it is very very important to choose the right person.”
Nadira coffee was almost empty, she saw a kid playing with a puppy, the puppy kept running away when the kid tried to hug it, but the kid kept laughing chased the puppy again. She smiled at it, the kid seems to love the puppy even if the puppy doesn’t. She had a sudden realization took out her laptop and started typing in the conclusion of her topic.
In modern world if you mention the word “love” it always implies something between two people but in the real sense it is when you love a person without any expectation, there is no half measure, either you do it or you don’t, you don’t feel bad because you are not loved back. But the modern world is anti-love, people don’t fall love in love naturally but they think and make a decision and then fall in love!
Understanding a guy in relationship seems to fairly simple, A guy in relationship sees things as simple as dressing, all he needs is a shirt and pant, he doesn’t care if they match, if they are washed, if they are properly ironed, if they are fitting him properly. All he sees is he is dressed for going out. But a girl is the opposite of a guy in relationship, for her every minute details matter. On analyzing the cases, girls are much mature in a relationship than guys. To steer a ship you need to make sure that you don’t have a hole in ship just because you have the sail’s up you cannot set it into the water. The girl may comply to all the decisions made by the guy in her life as well as his and make him feel the that he is in control. But if the decision is about their relationship, it is girls who makes the decision, it is fair to say 80% of the relationship decisions are made by the girls. If you are in relationship it is because the girl feels ship is safe to sail and if not then the girl has decided the ship is not safe!
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Case 1:
This case is was in beginning stage of a relationship and most common, the guy loved the girl sincerely but the girl was not ready for the relationship even though she “liked” the guy and wants to be as friends. she didn’t want to go against her family and society. she had clearly put this across the guy but even then he is madly in love and wants a life with her.
Nadira, thought, of course it is the girl’s decision what she wants in life, no one can blame her for this. But being friends is not going to help the guy though! May be he is getting deeply involved cause she wants to be “friends”. And the guy is insane, the girl has said what is priority for her and he must have figured out a way to get over but not fall more deeply in it, I guess this why they call love is blind!
Case 2:
The guy and the girl were in relationship for few years, but they decided to part ways. The reason is that the chemistry between them fell apart, the spark they had in the beginning of their relationship didn’t continue. the girl said: “I loved the way he loved me, but I realized that I was wrong, I should be in a relationship with a person who I love unconditionally not for what the way he loves me.” the boy said: “one day she was talking about marriage, I felt I was not ready for it yet, I love her with all my heart but I am not ready for marriage,I have to achieve so many things in my career and she cannot wait that long I guess.”
Sipping her coffee, Nadira thought, this was a difficult case, an aspiring guy and a love seeking girl, neither to be blamed on what they have decided cause reasons are valid. The guy could have put on more thought about his career growth, after marriage or delayed the marriage few more years, after all it is not always you love someone so deeply. The girl’s statement was interesting one, she loved him for the way he loved her but when she realized that it was not what is ultimately needed in life she decided to not to proceed things, the decision and the reason is much better than the guy and very mature.
Case 3:
The guy sees the girl in college library for three weeks continuously and proposes her, the fourth week girl accepts his love. Guy promises to marry her, finishes college goes out of town to find job, he gets a job comes back to town and convinces his parents for marriage. The girl meanwhile talks to her parents, convinces her parents and relatives for the marriage. They are married and live happily with a girl child.
Nadira smiled to herself and thought, this was the script for so many films and yet it repeats itself. When she spoke to the guy,her father, “what made you propose her the third week? you don’t even properly know her!” her father smiled: “I had a feeling, I chose her to be my partner in life. When I made the decision I know it could go either way but I loved her without expectation. you know those three weeks it was like three years to be each day I saw her made me realize a new thing, I admired her, studied her, and was inspired from her. as paulo coelho said ’In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.’ I spoke to the girl as well, her mother, “when he proposed me I took my time, I did notice him in the library and I did like him. but being in a relationship was different I had to think about so many hurdles I had to face, family, society and relatives. what made me agree is the fact that we both loved each other for what we are, remember anyone can be loved if one changes one’s looks, personality and values and it is very very important to choose the right person.”
Nadira coffee was almost empty, she saw a kid playing with a puppy, the puppy kept running away when the kid tried to hug it, but the kid kept laughing chased the puppy again. She smiled at it, the kid seems to love the puppy even if the puppy doesn’t. She had a sudden realization took out her laptop and started typing in the conclusion of her topic.
In modern world if you mention the word “love” it always implies something between two people but in the real sense it is when you love a person without any expectation, there is no half measure, either you do it or you don’t, you don’t feel bad because you are not loved back. But the modern world is anti-love, people don’t fall love in love naturally but they think and make a decision and then fall in love!
Understanding a guy in relationship seems to fairly simple, A guy in relationship sees things as simple as dressing, all he needs is a shirt and pant, he doesn’t care if they match, if they are washed, if they are properly ironed, if they are fitting him properly. All he sees is he is dressed for going out. But a girl is the opposite of a guy in relationship, for her every minute details matter. On analyzing the cases, girls are much mature in a relationship than guys. To steer a ship you need to make sure that you don’t have a hole in ship just because you have the sail’s up you cannot set it into the water. The girl may comply to all the decisions made by the guy in her life as well as his and make him feel the that he is in control. But if the decision is about their relationship, it is girls who makes the decision, it is fair to say 80% of the relationship decisions are made by the girls. If you are in relationship it is because the girl feels ship is safe to sail and if not then the girl has decided the ship is not safe!
